Break

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I have been in the middle of therapy and it has gotten a little intense as we work through some things. It is amazing how much therapy can take out of you. I have needed this years ago but I didn’t have the time to focus on myself and to find healing. A lot of memories have been rushing to the forefront.

A lot of emotions too that I honestly don’t know what to do with but it has opened the door to be able to talk about some things. Things that I wished someone would have taken the time to hear seven and a half years ago. I have kept so much buried. Both of my therapist have talked about the fact that I need to grieve and that has been such a hard thing for me to understand. My one therapist has reminded me that I have a long list of things I have lost so it makes sense to grieve those things.

A few days ago the grief hit hard. I felt so empty. I laid in bed and watched the time go by and for the first time I started to understand why they have mentioned grief. Since then the memories of those first two years especially have been rushing to mind. I knew something wasn’t right and I felt like no one was listening to me. The hurtful comments from people who just don’t understand keep rolling around in my mind and I have realized a lot of the things I battle with my thinking were formed in those first two years. There’s a lot to work through.

I am working on a post that I hope to post shortly continuing the story of my journey. Thank you for your patience as I also work on healing.