Piano

I started piano lessons at the age of 7. In 8/9th grade I fell in love with piano. It was my therapy. No matter what mood hit some time alone at the piano would fix everything. Very rarely would a day go by without me sitting down and playing something. At the time of my injury I was teaching piano, playing offertories in church, accompanying for the choir, and I was the main church pianist. I loved music so much. I was a music minor in college and during my teaching career for many years I was in charge of the elementary music programs. When I got injured I was doing everything I dreamed of doing….what I pictured as a teenager when I thought about where I would be down the road.

After my injury I tried to sit down and play, but I soon realized how much this “bump” on my head affected my ability to play. I couldn’t remember the name of notes or where they were on the piano. I could not turn pages while playing. I couldn’t move my hands with confidence that they would move to the correct spot. My playing was disjointed and I often had to stop and figure out what the note was. After playing for 30 years, I couldn’t remember so much.

When I sat down to play it was just a reminder to me of all that I lost. Playing barely 5-10 minutes made my head hurt so badly. If I was able to try to relearn parts of arrangements the next day it would be gone and I would have to start all over. It soon became pointless in my mind. why try. Nothing stayed in my brain. I had to play simple pieces. The music lines would blur together making it even harder to read the music. Even after I started to get better my love for music and the piano was gone. I lost a huge part of myself.  

I had used my talent in music for the Lord. I didn’t understand why He would remove that from me. A month after injury as I was praying, I could hear God asking me if I never played again would I still love Him and serve Him with my whole heart? I knew what I should answer…. what the correct answer would be but I wasn’t ready to answer. It took weeks before I could cry out to God with tears running down my face telling Him I would still love and trust and serve Him even if I could never play again.

I never went back on that decision. I sit here years later…….still not where I was at the time of injury but I know it is up to God whether I will ever play the way I used to again. My talent came from God. It is His to do with what He pleases. I pictured myself handing my talent back to God – just like a little kid handing over a prized possession to a parent to hold on to.

I still struggle though in calling myself a pianist. It seems so far in the past. I don’t know what God has for me with piano but I’m going to keep trusting Him with this.